Updated: 70 MPG is imperial gallons. 1.2 US gallons is only 1 imperial gallons. Thanks to DrSpalding for pointing out my errors. Suddenly, I wonder why we hate the metric system... but I digress.
"Ford: Driving American Innovation"
That's what their damned radio commercial on my local Air America affiliate tells me. It actually says this several times during that 30-second spot. Shit, I've heard them enough to think they may actually know something about innovation. I'm thinking Ford may actually be working on an ion engine for the 2007 Focus because they are driving American innovation. C'mon, hovercar!
So what was that innovation they keep touting?
Was it the nearly 60 mpg vehicle they produce?
Nah. The commercial didn't mention that.
Perhaps it was their Flexible Fuel Vehicle (FFV) that allows bioethanol to be mixed with petrol in any combination?
But it wasn't that either.
So how is Ford "Driving American Innovation?"
At first, the sarcastic asshole in me jumped out.
There isn't anything innovative about refusing a salary but accepting million in bonuses (Or is it boni?) For the performance of 2004, Ford Jr. was provided a "compensation package"
which are valued between $18 to $22 million for performance in 2004. The boni were provided when profits grew from $495 million in 2003 to $3.49 billion in 2004. This makes sense, given the turn-around that was experienced since the miserable performance during 2003, when Ford Jr. received a paltry $14.6 million "package". Nothing innovative here.
Was this great innovation laying off 30,000, or roughly 1/5 of their North American workforce? Only two years ago, a $4 billion turn-around was achieved, and now 30,000 to lose their livelihood? Now that we just saw some numbers on Ford profits from 2004, and knowing that they are "Driving American Innovation", a visionary like Ford Jr. would continue to show the business acumen to make such a turn-around possible.
The great American Innovation Ford claims to be driving is this: Safety. "Because every life saved is worth it"
<Brbrrrggll... gulp> Sorry.. I thought it best to swallow my vomit and continue.
That's the American Innovation Ford is driving. It's the same damned American Innovation that the Republicans used - scare people and offer protection.
(Wait. Did I say Republicans? I meant Mafia. No, wait, yes. It was the Republicans - they are waaaay too chickenshit to be confused with the Mafia. My bad. Carry on.) And it still isn't innovative.
If Ford really wanted to work at saving every life, it wouldn't be airbags and crumple zones - nothing says "EVERY life saved" like fighting global warming. Perhaps they'd increase the efficiency of their vehicles to match the efficiency of their vehicles.
Yes, you read that right.
Increase the efficiency of their vehicles to match the efficiency of their vehicles.
I had heard about Ford producing a fuel efficient vehicle that most of us would be delighted to purchase - running purely on petrol! I didn't believe it, so I began to peruse about the Ford Europe page. Would you like a new Focus, fresh from the factory, that gets almost 60 mpg? No problem! Ford even makes one that comes factory-ready for mixed biodiesel & petrol! You'll gleefully cruise up and down the M5 on a single tank of gas. You can point out Big Ben & Parliament to your kids for hours without fear of sputtering gaslessly to a stop in the roundabout.
So you say you're not British? Too damned bad. If you are more likely to cruise Interstate 95, then don't expect to get half the gas mileage our British bretheren enjoy.
So I want to stand here and say "F*ck you Ford!", and do my best Jerry McGuire to get everyone else to follow suit. But those 30,000 jobs are our countrymen - affecting more minorities than not- skilled in a craft no longer "American" in nature. There goes 30,000 union jobs, lost forever. I hate to see those workers punished for the idiocy of the management, but I hate to reward the idiots at the top and hope some of the love trickles down past the "compensation packages".
Speaking of the top idiots, I present to you, the top dickwad, CEO Bill Ford:
Chairman and CEO Bill Ford said the cuts would be painful, but are necessary in order to respond to customer demands. He admitted that Ford had been hurt by the customer shift away from large-size SUVs, leaving Ford with too much capacity of the large, less fuel-efficient vehicles.
"If we build it, they'll buy it. That's business as usual and it's wrong," Ford said. "Our product plans for too long have been defined by our capacity. That's why we must reduce capacity in North America."
No, Bill, you are a fucking moron punch-drunk from trying to hump the engine of your solid gold Explorer too many times. You short-sighted, myopic fuckwad. You made them cheap, tacking a car-like body on a truck ladder frame. You suggested the tire pressure be low to provide a smoother ride. You pump them out faster than a fucking Pez dispenser on meth. It's the customers fault until you realized the customer is the one with the fucking money. At least you sold a slew of those cheap, unstable, unmaneuvarable behemoths before people caught on.
How'd that work out for you, you worthless shiteating toad? We know how it worked out for the 271 that clearly died as a result. But I digress. You're driving American Innovation.
But let's get back to that whole "global warming" theory with a few old friends. Logic would indicate that by protecting the ozone layer, thereby reducing the volume of death-rays we receive from the sun would save enough lives to provide enough drivers to make up for the difference. That would be a good, humane thing to do. Something Jesus would do, right? Bzzt. Wrong. Some of our favorite blasphemers, such as Rev. James Dobson and Rev. Louis Sheldon, felt compelled to argue against global warming as reality. I'm not saying Ford has anything to do with these fringe elements of the right-wing hateful-god warriors, but he hasn't exhibited the best judgement so far. I had to find a way to mention this in here, as it seemed bizarre these guys put themselves into the global warming defrauded debunking debacle. For your sake, I hope your Jesus is real, because I'd love to see the spiritual beatdown these doppelgangers of religion will take. Freaky bastards.
Okay, so Ford still isn't saving any lives that I've noticed. (Quite the opposite, so far.) But while the idiotic tire tricks cost Ford some money, it is the idiocy of Ford executives that truly deserve credit for their demise. For those based in reality, the SUV gravy train was clearly a fad, but the Ford executives don't believe in that reality. Now let's ratchet up the gas prices a few quaters per gallon... Check. Then get caught up in a couple wars in the region that produces oil... Check. Expect sales of gas-guzzling, oversized SUVs to pickup in light of these facts? Apparently the mouth-breathers at Ford did.
George Pipas, Ford's U.S. sales analysis manager, said the company expects SUV sales to stay soft in the near term.
Translations provided for the idiotically-impaired:
George Pipas, Ford's U.S. sales analysis manager, said the company has no fucking clue what do to with the feral Explorers that have taken over parking lot C, but they do not anticipate stopping production on them either.
Unfortunately, that pesky reality thing wasn't distracted.
Over the past year, Ford's pretax profits in North America have fallen from almost $1.8 billion in the first nine months of 2004 to a loss of nearly $2.2 billion for the same period in 2005.
Now for a quick look to the actual innovations that Ford has put out - the hybrids, the ~60 MPG diesel cars, etc - and how Ford sales did in Europe.
Ford's most successful markets in Europe in 2005 in terms of units sold were Britain, Germany, Italy, Spain and France. Ford also reported a sales increase in Greece, Portugal, Ireland, Hungary, Denmark, Sweden, Norway, Finland and Belgium. Total vehicle sales in Ford's European Direct Markets, representing 28 markets including smaller countries in Eastern Europe and North Africa, grew from 10,000 units in 2001 to more than 30,000 units in 2005.
While the North American Ford market share
dropping faster than a bear falling out of a tree, the European market has grown and, by all indications, is doing rather well.
To recap, a few questions backed by clear, easy-to-use facts that make reasonable people unreasonable:
- Why doesn't Ford sell the ~60 MPG vehicles that they already make in Europe here?
- Why do politicians NOT make this a point every time energy prices are mentioned?
- Why don't most Americans know about this bullshit?
I really don't need my brain fighting itself for that last synapse on this subject, but I can't figure out how to stop their death spiral of stupidity. So what is the answer? Do you support the idiot army known as Ford management in their quest to screw up everything left standing before them? Do you abandon them until they make a better product, and watch as more and more of our citizens lose their livelyhood?
PS. Memo to Bill Ford Jr.: eat shit, you greedy shiteating assclown. Thank you.